two weeks in…reflections, break downs and food

so it’s been two weeks since i began officially training for patriot (my 1st of two half ironmans? ironmen? scheduled for this summer). last weekend i reflected but sent my reflection to my coach. this week, i need it public. so here’s a copy of what last week looked like:

so this week was the first week i was “officially” dedicated back to the training and building the base for patriot, and then therefore timberman. last weekend was a bit busy with sean’s family party and his leaving monday morning, so i didn’t go to the yw to swim, i brought him to logan instead. i felt super guilty but was also very tired and grumpy throughout the day due to not eating well all weekend (read: not eating much at all). but jas text me during the day monday and asked if i wanted to swim after work. so i ate and ate all day and then went and swam with him. my mood was lifted, i slept better that night and the guilt was lifted. the rest of the week went well. yoga and melt on tuesday relieved hip tension and my s.i. joint issues. i went to swim strong with scott on wednesday. this was difficult in terms of it not being you. he didn’t know us at all and therefore really needed to assess where everyone was. thank goodness i had gotten a good workout in on monday or i would’ve been more frustrated. he “corrected” some things with my stroke which then broke down a bunch of other things so i went back to swimming the way i have been which both you and patty have worked hard to create an efficient stroke. the cold wednesday night left me to run on the treadmill which was difficult mentally as i expected. but it felt good to have gotten it done. i went to andy’s class thursday am which was good – lots of core work and functional movement and balance. it was difficult but in a good way. i rode my trainer friday am for an hour which was actually the strongest i’ve felt on it ever. i ran yesterday 4 miles. felt great doing that. and another trainer ride this morning (sunday) for an hour. this will turn into my long rides, building to 3 hours. i felt good.
this week i decided that i want to do ironman lake placid in 2015. frightening to make that decision but it’s done. and public. which makes it important. 
i got a great cookbook which i’m excited to make some things out of it next weekend to begin practicing fueling with real food and to see what feels good and what doesn’t. i’m working hard on figuring out the best foods to eat throughout the day in order to stay full and also be fueled for a night workout. 
my biggest challenge is doing the functional training. it’s on my calendar and this week it’s my highest priority. i know how important it is, but for whatever reason can’t make myself do it – or at least this week i couldn’t.

and that’s literally a braindump. no real emotions just facts.

this week. well it’s about emotions this week. all my workouts felt fabulous. i felt strong throughout the swims (monday: 2350 yds, wed: 1500 yds, thurs: 1550 yds) through my runs (wed: 3 miles, sat: 6 miles) on my bike (fri: spin sun: 75 min on trainer) and with my rest and recovery (yoga, melt and functional training). 

but my brain, my emotions were wild this week. not wild enough to cause me concern but my brain just kept telling my body to quit, that i wasn’t strong enough, that i shouldn’t or couldn’t complete this workout or run or set, until finally my brain reminded me that i had paid for that insurance for patriot. that i could drop out and call timberman registration a wash. that there was no way i could complete this – not just ONE 70.3 distance, but TWO within 8 weeks of each other. so saturday’s run was very difficult mentally – i wanted to quit within 2 miles, but pushed back on my brain and finished and felt a little bit better. but i was still mentally struggling. i wasn’t sure if i could ride my trainer for 75 minutes at a 90 rpm. i wasn’t even sure i could ride it at a 70 rpm for that time. 

i knew that my mental struggle was coming from my nutrition – it always goes back to that for me. but i just couldn’t catch up. until saturday night. i ate and ate and ate. i cooked and cooked. i planned and planned. i knew this had to be a priority every week, every day, every couple of hours because if i started to run out now, i would never be able to keep up when things got longer. 

and then….

i got word that walter (my incredible, amazing yoga instructor who has had to go on hiatus due to his real job) was going to lead the trainer ride this sunday. and the clouds began to lift. and i knew that even if i just sat on the bike and listened to him that i would at least be recovered mentally. 

and it was perfect. the ride this morning cleared my brain. reminded me that this is hard. but that i can do this. i can do this. and when that little voice becomes a big voice trying to stop me from doing this, this big thing that i CAN do, i just have to focus on my breath and breathe into the areas that are stuck. 

i can do this. i will do this.

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