What Now?

It’s been a week and half from IMLP – from getting hit by another cyclist – a rather abrupt “end” to this journey. It wasn’t what i imagined or expected and yet i still wouldn’t change a thing. It is certainly a pain in the ass (literally) and the good news is that my tailbone, pelvis and/or sacrum are not fractured. The bad news is that i have a really bad bruise that goes all the way back most likely to my pelvis and sacrum. so i’ve been slow, i can’t sit normally, and i can’t lay on my back. last week i spent most of the week on the couch not necessarily wallowing in my misery but definitely not feeling like a human just yet. after visiting the doctor i knew i needed to set some small goals in order to get moving again. so i planned to cook all my meals this week (i had ordered out every.single.meal last week). i needed to clean out the cabinets of the easy food i had accumulated through the training. i knew what i should eat but couldn’t bear to just throw everything away. so i’ve been slowly eating the processed faux meat products, the pasta, the canned sauce. i’ve also been adding more and more fresh veggies and fruits into my life. and i already feel better mentally. my body is still slow moving in the recovery department, but i’m using it as a gift to not jump right back into life.

i’ve had quite a few folks encourage me to return to lake placid next year and i haven’t yet deleted the email from ironman regarding the registration. i’ve looked into other 140.6 races for the remainder of the 2015 calendar. i’ve contacted ironman to see if they would allow for a transfer to another race due to the accident or if they would refund some or all of my registration as well (the answer to all of those questions is no). i’ve thought about doing a fall marathon – i mean hey, i didn’t get to run last sunday! and i’ve been given some great advice – to not do anything, no decisions made for 2 weeks. so i have a few more days until that decision time table has arrived. and i have an idea as to where i’m leaning but i also know that my decision can change at any time. and it’s ok to change my mind.

not finishing the race due to things out of my control does not disappoint me anymore. it no longer feels like i didn’t finish. when i think back to why i decided to sign up for imlp and what i returned to when times were tough – “to not be afraid anymore” – i have overcome that. i’m no longer afraid. i do know that i love order and things to be controlled but i’m also ok that things can be a bit more out of control. and i think that that is pure success. if i had been a nervous nelly the day before or been filled with fear leading up to the water than i would feel very differently about my entire experience. but knowing that i was calm and ready for anything makes all the hours on the bike, hours on the treadmill and road, hours in the pool and ponds, hours meal prepping, hours crying all worth it.

so my answer for what now is….

just be. enjoy my life. do the things i want. continue to practice my mindfulness.

and s asked me the day after the race – what will happen to the blog? (as if he actually reads it) and i’m not entirely sure. i feel like i have more to share in regards to food and health and mental well being. so the direction will change soon. but all my writing and sharing will be tied into gratitude.