Something happened out there

I haven’t written in awhile. Life has gotten exponentially busier with camp beginning, I work about an hour away and my day is much longer than my school year workday. I love it and it’s busy.
And I’ve still been processing the race. Something happened out there. I still can’t totally describe it but I’m going to try. So I’ve experienced “the wall” during long runs, that moment where you don’t think you can continue but you do. Overcoming that wall is invigorating and confidence building, I think this is the real reason for training, convincing your mind to push your body through tough times into something challenging. I read Rich Roll’s book “Finding Ultra” and he talks about the line in the sand. I feel like that is a much better analogy, a wall is something that is much more challenging where a line in the sand is just that, this line that’s drawn but can be passed. I had thought about this line throughout my training. I wasn’t sure when that line would arrive. During my first marathon it showed up at mile 18, I was convinced my foot was broken and struggled to beat my mind. I was prepared for the 18 mile line during my second marathon and the line came around mile 22 when I was more fatigued rather than mentally struggling. So I wasn’t sure when that line would show up during patriot. I knew my training had helped me both mentally and physically AND I knew the line would come.
And it showed up around mile 8 during my run. Except it was different. The line wasn’t a wall, it was truly a line in the sand. I could feel the line, it was a struggle but it wasn’t something that could break me. I could reach into my pocket (figuratively) and pull out something I had used during training: Kate’s voice, Walter, jas, jane. I was never alone.
Because I had these tools, because I never felt alone, possibly for the first time in my life, I knew I could do it. I knew I could get to that finish line. I never felt like I would quit.
For the longest time in my life, I had felt that no one “really” liked me, no one truly cared. I no longer feel that way. I have an amazing group of friends who are my family. They give me strength and help me through everything, good times and challenging. In the moments during patriot where I reached my line, the knowledge of my closest friends love and support solidified my confidence. It dispelled the doubt that has riddled my mind.
And that has stuck with me. Recovery of patriot is over, training for timberman has begun and the confidence in my life and my circle of people’s love and support cannot be taken from me.