I haven’t written in awhile. Mainly because I’ve been so busy, also because I have so many things to write about I don’t really know where to start. This may be a long post and definitely may ramble. Apologies in advance.
So the biking thing has gotten better, by better I mean, I am actually enjoying it and looking forward to the rides and the learning I am doing. I have a pretty solid route that challenges me both mentally and physically in different ways each time. I also have been getting better at using a variety of tools when it gets tough: I hear Kate’s voice reminding me of complete circles, I hear Walter ringing the bell and saying to be the bike, and I hear Krishna das and the meditation when things are super tough.
Last week though, I was in a tough spot, I was tired and just couldn’t get going, with anything. But Monday was gorgeous and jas said we can’t waste this day! So we went to the pond and tried out the wetsuits for the first time. I had no trouble getting it on. And was expecting to be INCREDIBLY disappointed in it. Everyone said how buoyant I’d feel, how fast I’d be, but I was expecting that I’d be warm but nothing else except annoyed at the cost of a giant waterproof sweater. But I was wrong. Way wrong, I was buoyant. I could literally stand up and not have to tread in deep water. And I was pissed. Pissed that all my work in the pool, all my work with technique and core and rotation that some person that hadn’t worked as hard or developed the technique could slip one of these on and be fine. That angered me and I expressed that. Jas was so patient. I also felt all out of sorts because of the buoyancy – my stroke felt weird, I was all over the place. In the end we didn’t get a lot of actual swimming accomplished, but I was able to wrap my brain around this wetsuit and the swim. (I did end up swimming again Saturday for about 2 miles and Sunday -things were a lot less dramatic those days).
I was able to trudge through my other workouts and on Wednesday had a brick to do. Again jas came by and hung out with me while I rode on the trainer. Then because I desperately needed to run with my girls, I met them on their run and ran with them. I got to the y and saw Walter. I had been thinking about him a lot. How I needed to talk to him (if you don’t remember Walter, read back a few posts about the indoor rides and his calming nature on my soul) but I had no way of contacting him. But there he was. (Imagine in a movie sequence that time stopped and there was a light shining on him, hahahaha, yup.) it was perfect. I hugged him. Yup I actually hugged him. I was overcome by seeing him that normally I am overwhelmed and say nothing -that night my month just dumped out my thoughts. How I missed him, how I heard his voice, how he was helping me on the bike without actually being there, on and on and on. And, as always, he was so kind. Long story shortened a little bit.. He gave me his card, hugged me again and said we needed to ride soon. All I needed was his presence. Invigorated me, inspired me, calmed me.
So yeah. Then I had to get through the rest of my week. I ran 11 miles on Friday night, I picked one of my favorite routes to do -up and over airport hill. It was hard, it was hot, it was raining. Swam 2 miles on Saturday outside and SAW KATE! Perfection.
Sunday I had the patriot race camp to go to. I was in a pretty sour mood about going. Not totally sure why, I was thinking it was going to be a waste of my time and money. But it wasn’t. Thank goodness. Was able to semi again in the wetsuit. Rode the bike course of patriot. And that, well, that was awesome. I didn’t ride fast but I rode it to feel out the course, see what it was like, see how I was going to fuel, see the hills (which there weren’t really any). Riding the course set my mind completely at ease.
Now comes the trickiest part of my training, I knew back in January that I would be traveling this week for the boy’s graduation. I knew I ended to fit most stuff in before leaving because I was traveling with his mom. So, yeah, needless to say, I’ve swum 3 times, biked 3 times and done a run since Sunday (it’s Wednesday). My legs are pretty fatigued and I’m tired. Which I was already feeling on Monday night when I hopped on the bike to do a measly (haha) hour and a half ride (on the trainer). It was tough, I struggled, my legs were not cooperating. I had 30 minutes left and nothing hurt but I just didn’t want to do it. So I turned on the Krishna das song that Walter had played for us back in January or February. It was still tough, but gave me something to focus on. And then something completely crazy happened. I got goosebumps and something came over me. I’m not a religious person but am spiritual, but this was something crazy. I felt a change. It didn’t get easier but I knew I would be fine. I knew I would complete that ride and that I would be able to complete the race. And then, I started crying. Not like tearing up, but full blown crying. And I cried for the remainder of my ride.
Nothing was hurting, nothing was wrong, I was just overwhelmed by my growth that I could see in that moment. Old Lizzie would’ve skipped the ride or quit completely long ago. New Lizzie pushed on.