rollercoaster week

as the title says…it’s been a roller coaster of a week, in all areas of my life. last week i was feeling super proud of myself as if nothing could get me down…and then the weather kicked my emotional ass. my flights got all messed up and all i wanted was to be in california with sean. 24 hours after i was supposed to be there i arrived. it wasn’t perfect but i was there. we had some bumps in plans due to a variety of things. but i got a 6 mile run in the sunshine and that was nice. definitely struggled with food due to sean not actually having a kitchen. i ate meals, but not enough in between. i actually was in food heaven. i ate so many wonderful things. buffalo cauliflower, chili fries, vegan pizza, vegan corn dog (don’t judge me)…. but i didn’t eat enough. i got in a 2 hour ride plus a 2600 yd swim – then i didn’t eat enough afterwards. i tried. but the next day i was traveling and traveling is no place for a plant based athlete. i packed a ton of food – but it’s never enough. the flight attendants don’t really want to give you enough water to rehydrate soup, they want you to drink a coke and eat some pretzels. i was better than i’ve been but still not great. the last two days have been basically a disaster emotionally. i hit a wall so hard that i had convinced myself that i shouldn’t be doing these races, who did i think i was anyways? then i swam last night with jas and ate, a lot, at loving hut. this morning i was so tired. i was supposed to run 10 miles with the team. but it was icy. i was frustrated. i knew the run would help my brain. but i couldn’t do it. i couldn’t risk falling. so i came home. i ate. and ate some more. i cleaned. and somehow. i pushed myself out the door. into the sunshine. into the “warmth” that is new england – a balmy 45 degrees. dodging cars and furry looking snowbanks. and i did it. i did 10 miles. my head was clear. i can do this. i am definitely still a bit out of whack. my plan is to eat. and eat. and eat. as much i can before i go to bed early. then get up early, and eat and eat. before riding. i can do this. it’s just another bump. 

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