rotations

i worry often about presenting myself as someone i am not

2 4 6 8 10 12 14 16 18 20 22 24 26 28 30 32 34

i worry that i am too much or taking up too much space

4 9 16 25 36

i worry about talking over or about other women and not being as good of a listener as all humans deserve

3 + 6 = 9

i worry that the more i learn, the more judgmental rather than accepting i become

36 carries significance. and weight

i worry that as my understanding of the world gets larger that my dreams grow and i won’t actually fly into those spaces i’ve learned

each number carries the weight. can i carry the weight and the significance?

each rotation reminds me

relieves me

i can rest at the end, at the origin

why does another rotation create this dizzying effect?

at the origin, the beginning

the rotations feel larger

and shorter

with space to notice

but no time to fix

why does this return make me question so much?

this origin

creates the space between each rotation

i feel more me than i’ve ever felt

can i enjoy this space between the rotation?

the perfect square of two numbers

an age that felt innocent

and yet

the addition of the digits to create another perfect square

what is perfection in being a square

this math

this logic

within and among the rotation feels weighty

it must mean more

or am i adding weight and meaning

to something

that is just the number of rotations?

how can one develop a ritual

beyond the blowing of a candle

one where acceptance

occurs within the rotation rather than only at the origin.